I love watching things happen. I’m an observer of life.

Are you an observer of life or do you let each moment pass you by, taking for granted the beautiful gifts that are right in front of you?

Take being single, for instance. Did you ever think that being single could be an opportunity for you to sit back and observer life? OR a chance for major growth and self-discovery? Instead most gay men have this urgency to be in a “relationship” or be with a “boyfriend.”

Do you ever wonder if you will ever find that special someone?

Without the distraction of a boyfriend or relationship, especially after many failed ones, being single is an opportunity to discover who you are, what you want in life, relationship and ideal partner and what you need to do to get there. You know this, because so far you have been repeating the same painful dating and relationship choices while expecting different results.

Can I make a suggestion?

Sit in a quiet place, away from distraction and write down these three questions:

Who am I?

What do I want?

How do I get it?

Begin by thinking about the first question. Write what comes to mind. Then, when you feel your ready, go to the second question and so fourth. Once you become clear on these three areas of your life, the things you never thought possible, only dreamed of,  will start to manifest. It starts with a little awareness, patience and the commitment to playing a bigger game in life and love relationships.

Happy Observing!

Greg

Relationship Success Mentor

www.TheGayGuysLoveCoach.com

Relationship Success is like anything else you’ve done in your life to be successful. There are rules, structure, strategies and actions. And the FIRST thing it takes to play a BIGGER game is understanding these rules. AND I assert that you don’t know the rules, and that is costing you relationship success. Most gay guys are not only NOT living by these rules; they don’t even know they exist. And most gay guys see dating and relationships as something that’s impossible to do, are too problematic and it’s suppose to be hard, but that isn’t true.

Think of a relationship as the icing on the wedding cake.

You wouldn’t just throw all the ingredients into a bowl and expect it to come out a perfect masterpiece. To create a delicious and beautiful wedding cake, you need to know how to bake, follow directions, and have a certain amount of skill. Without those qualities, it would turn out to be one big mess.

Most gay men enter relationships with out these skills and are consistently making messes.

Take a deep breath!

I’m here to tell you it’s easier than you think. It’s a matter of asking yourself three simple questions.

o

Who am I?

Most gay men have no idea who they are. Flailing around feeling lost without direction. Imagine a life full of purpose AND direction. One of the reasons why so many relationships fail is this ambivalence around who they are. What are you’re core values? Do you have relationship requirements? How do you date?

o

What do I want in a relationship?

Most gay men have a hard time answering this one. Some gay men tend to have some fogginess around what kind of relationships they want or the kind of partner they want. Knowing your values and relationship requirements and sticking to them will blow away the fog and reveal the kind of relationship you truly desire. Is monogamy a value of yours? Is it important that your partner be close to his family?

o

What do I need to do to get there?

Most gay guys don’t know the first step to take. The first step is committing to doing everything possible to take care of yourself. If you are in a frustrating dating or relationship situation, NOW is the time to ask yourself these three questions and learn a better, smarter and more successful way to live the life you love.

If you are struggling in a current relationship or feel lost when it comes to dating, ask yourself these three questions.

Remember, being single isn’t a burden, it’s an OPPORTUNITY!

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Greg Halpen works with highly motivated and successful single gay men who are frustrated by repeating the same dating and relationship choices expecting while different results and are ready to make some relationship success breakthroughs.

http://TheGayGuysLoveCoach.com

Greg can be reached at 1-(315)-218-6852

© Copyright Gay Relationship Solutions. All Rights Reserved.

I’ll tell you what I believe:

I suddenly got an a-ha moment where everything seemed crystal clear. What have I been doing to make me stress out so much? The first idea that came to mind, I was judging everything I was doing in my life. Don’t get me wrong. My life is pretty good, but I realized then and there that it could be even more wonderful if i just let go of outcomes and stop judging things that happen in my life.

That’s what inspired to run a free mini-course Relationship Success! Mindset Challenge (and LIFE TOO!) As soon as I flipped the switch the light turned on in my head.

I had to share it with everyone else.

What I learned:

1. Our Experiences, without judgment. “I jump to fast in relationships, I hook-up a lot, My relationships don’t last for more than 3-4 months.”

2. What we make up about our experiences.

3. What we make up inevitably become our beliefs. “Relationships are too hard. They don’t last. There are no quality guys out there. All they want is sex first, etc.”

4. The actions we take as a result of these beliefs. ” Continue to get into relationships too soon, hook-up on line, put up with a bad relationship instead of doing something about it, compromise our values and requirements.”

After this revelation, my practice has sprouted new wings and I am OK with being a one-man show, my life’s purpose is clearer than it ever was, and I understand where I need to be when it comes to my own love life.

All it took was some stillness, awareness and a flip of the switch. Oh, yeah, there is something else. I realized that part of being human is to suffer — another part of being human is to be able to evolve from the suffering into enlightenment and joy!

Anyhoo — if you want to have this kind of breakthrough in your life, I challenge you to sign up for my free mini-course Relationship Success! Mindset Challenge.

Happy Breakthroughs!

Love,

Greg

Relationship Success Mentor & Coach

www.TheGayGuysLoveCoach.com

Don’t you wish you could wave a realistic magic wand and make Mr. Right suddenly appear? You know, open one of those fashion magazines, point your wand and poof, there he is? Well, it would be nice, but it’s not realistic. In fact, would you believe that is how a lot of gay men think? They practically create an unrealistic man in their mind and wonder why he hasn’t showed up yet.

So, to help you clear your mind, I’ve created five principles to help you gain more clarity about the kind of guy and relationship you want.

For the next few months I will be introducing my five principles of Relationship Success Breakthrough: Playing a Bigger Game. The purpose of these principles is to give you a breakthrough in your ability to attract the love of your life while enjoying the ride along the way.

Principle #1 Clarify Your Direction

Relationship Success is like anything else you’ve done in your life to be successful. There are rules, structure, strategies and actions; and the FIRST thing it takes to play a BIGGER game is to understand these rules. AND I assert that you don’t know the rules, and that is costing you relationship success.

Most gay guys are not only NOT living by these rules; they don’t even know they exist. And gay guys see dating and relationships as a struggle, they think it’d hard to find decent men and it’s supposed to be hard, but that isn’t true.

I’m here to tell you it’s easier than you think. It’s a matter of asking yourself, three simple questions.

Who am I?

Most gay men have no idea who they are. Flailing around feeling lost without direction. Imagine a life full of purpose and direction. One of the reasons why so many relationships fail is this ambivalence around who they are. What are you passionate about? What motivates you? What gets you curious?

What do I want in a relationship? -

Most gay men have a hard time answering this one. This is where gay men tend to have some fogginess around what kind of relationships they want. Knowing your values and relationship requirements and sticking to them will blow away the fog and reveal the kind of relationship you truly desire. Is monogamy a value of yours? Do you want to be with someone who drinks or smokes?

What do I need to do to get there?

Most gay guys don’t know the first step to take. The first step is committing to doing everything possible to take care of yourself. If you are in a frustrating dating or relationship situation, NOW is the time to ask yourself these three questions and learn a better, smarter and more successful way to live the life you love.

Next posting - Principle #2: Master Your Relationship Mindset

Until then,  start having some breakthroughs of your own by asking yourself: Who am I, What do I want and What do I need to do to get there?

And remember, being single isn’t a burden, it’s an opportunity!

Love,

Greg

Before we hit the sac, he set’s up the coffee machine for the next morning, with freshly ground dark roast coffee….the evening air is filled with dancing coffee beans. We sleep. Upon waking I play with my pooch, Abby while I prepare her breakfast. Then we scurry into the crisp dark morning so she can do her business.

Ah..shoot..I forgot the BAG! It can wait.

After she’s through sniffing about, Abby chases me back inside and I start heating up the soy milk for our coffee; Pete get’s cinnamon and I get nutmeg. He preps the coffee night before, I pour and serve.

After we eat our breakfast he pours the bug juice (Aloe Juice) and passes out the acidophiles pills.

This routine is gentle.

quiet.

Still.

Why am I sharing this? Once upon a time this kind of routine scare the heck out of me. A healthy relationship? What the____! Today, it feels AMAZING!

These are the top three reasons why my relationhip with Pete is special and genuine.

1. We took the time to get to know each other before dating exclusively.

2. I know who I am and I know what I want in a partner.

3. My values are crystal clear and they are my compass.

So, when it’s time to crawl into bed after a long day, we will get up in the morning and repeat the whole thing over again.

Life is GREAT!

Greg

For the 1st 20 years of his adult life, Mark David lived as an openly gay man active in the gay liberation movements in Montreal and Toronto. Then something happened…….

My strategy for sidetracking frustration and recapturing connection in heated moments.

Being in a relationship is NOT easy! In the big picture, there’s no question: Finn is full of qualities to admire. I feel lucky to be the one admiring them up close! But as in any normal relationship – DAMN! – he can drive me nuts with his little quirks! As I, no doubt, can do to him.

Isn’t this inevitable when living in close quarters? Unless our special someone is our clone, he is going to, at times, approach the world quite differently than we would. And really, would we want to date a man too similar to ourselves? BORING. So I tell myself to treasure the differences.

Finn approaches everything in life methodically; I’m the spontaneous type. Finn is a comparative shopper; I’m an impulse buyer. Standing in the middle of Best Buy last week, arguing with Finn, I tried out my new strategy for overcoming frustration in the moment…by transforming it to an acknowledgement of our differences.

Here’s how it unfolds:

1) We disagree while shopping. It’s suddenly clear to me the idea to purchase a certain product is a good one, while Finn would like to compare to products and pricing at other stores, do some minor calculations, and perhaps even sleep on the matter…for a good week.

2) I feel frustrated at his approach to the matter at hand.

3) Rather than immediately react from that place of frustration (for example, by shouting or pouting), I let myself be curious about the feeling of frustration that has arisen in me.

4) I see the frustration is a quick reaction created in the face of fear of the unknown. It’s just that Finn’s approach is unknown and scary to me. After all, I’ve been through life making many decisions in the blink of an eye, so his method seems counterproductive.

5) Seeing the conflict as a result of perfectly normal differences, I ponder the ways and instances in which his approach (as opposed to mine) is beneficial and helpful. In the case of shopping, we all know the benefits of thinking before buying.

6) Right then, instead of reacting to his manner in frustration, I stop and tell Finn how I appreciate that unique quality of this that I don’t share.

7) My frustration and anxiety are gone. I’ve let them go in order to verbalize the strengths of the very behavior of Finn’s that that moments ago put me on the train to crazytown.

In time, I think I will stop reacting in frustration initially, and all I’ll feel is the appreciation for our differences. Now if only I could get Finn to reciprocate!

I’m curious if any of you readers have little games or strategies to help you turn potentially frustrating experiences into positive ones. Please use the comment feature and share!

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I recently wrote about finding joy in getting back together with Finn. Our life together is a gift that keeps on giving, and recently, in addition to discovering newfound comfort in each other, we’re finding comfort in our new digs. We’ve switched things up and are enjoying life a bit further away from where we work and play in downtown Syracuse, but in a GORGEOUS apartment such as I’ve never had.

Finn and I are preparing for a larger move to New York City, but in the interim, we couldn’t have made a better choice than to trade up our austere one-bedroom in a forgotten neighborhood for something we can spread out and feel safer in.

Our modern two-bedroom is full of light and love. Now I look back at the old place and think DARKNESS. Not only were the windows few and dingy, but it was there that I struggled with a much more negative mindset. As I came out of that place of fear and anger, and fell back in love with Finn, it became clear a new home would complement the journey of growth we were on.

Saving for NYC is still a priority, but spending a little money on comfort and safety in the interim– even if that means a slight delay in the move – feels like a well-deserved gift that we can revel in together (literally!).

I’m curious about my readers’ attitudes about “home.” What does it mean to you? Are you comfy where you are? If not, where are you headed? My hope for you is a safe and happy home full of abundance. May we all invite that into our lives through conscious choices that acknowledge our own unique set of needs and resources.

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While I was so busy convincing myself that my love Finn and I should be apart (see previous post), and blaming our relationship for my acting out, very slowly, Finn crept back into my heart. Love is inevitable that way. It partners with truth: even if we ignore it, it’s still there, underneath, constant.

I didn’t notice it at first. We had been spending time together as friends only, and I suppose it started with small moments of looking over at him, and noticing that my heart felt full.

My heart was full? This was not supposed to be happening! Having a full heart toward Finn was not in keeping with my habitual regimen of cutting ties when things get tough. I admitted my confusion to a counselor, who encouraged me to not reject the feelings but to instead sit with them, and listen to them. Listen? To fear?

It wasn’t easy. As I’ve written previously, I’m much better at throwing the baby out with the bathwater and avoiding such work. But I stuck with it. When I was nervous, I stayed put. I didn’t run. When Finn and I started being intimate, I had to learn not to punish myself for having “just sex” and to instead embrace it and enjoy it…and see if it might even take us somewhere new.

It did. And not only did I get back with Finn—our relationship is better than ever—but I learned a valuable life lesson. I learned that discomfort is worth noticing, not rejecting. More than that, if we have the faith to jump in and explore it, we’ll find a wealth of self-knowledge and, ultimately, truth.

The next time I encounter an overwhelming sense of fear around something and feel the need to reject, reject, reject, I will instead listen carefully. Anything my firefighter might be saying—“Don’t do it, it’s not good!”—is likely cover for “You don’t deserve this! I won’t let you have it,” a fearful reaction to the unknown. But I do deserve it. And I will have it. That little guy inside is just going to have to get used to happiness.

When you feel fearful, see if you can be curious, maybe even grateful for the opportunity to investigate. By exploring situations in which we are uncomfortable will we gain insight into ourselves and evolve.

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